The Cubs don't know what a gate is

There's really no better time to celebrate the 10th anniversary of our favorite Cubs' team of all time than a random July weekend when the current Cubs are hosting their arch-rivals the Minnesota Twins. And so that's just what the Cubs did. It gave the returning heroes a chance to soak up adulation from a still deliriously appreciative fanbase and, as a bonus, to allow them to relive all those great zero head to head matchups with the Twins that year.

On Thursday night, fans were able to pay money to hear the same stories you already read in the award-winning book The Immortals, and on its companion podcast The Lovable Reunion.

Are those things actually officially related? No way to know, really.

On Saturday morning the team, hungover beyond belief, showed up at Gallagher Way so that the franchise could honor them with something made of steel and bricks and mortar. Is it a statue of the final out featuring certified Cubs legends Kris Bryant and Anthony Rizzo? Nope. Is it a statue of Joe Maddon, one of only two men who've ever walked the Earth to manage the Cubs to a title? No. But then, they've never done one for Frank Chance, either. Oh, I'll bet it was a shot of Ben Zobrist landing on second base as he leapt the final six feet after generating the greatest hit in team history?

No.

They got this.

What the fuck is that? It looks like the entrance to every mall in Florida. The only thing missing is some guy selling "gator tail" out of a cooler off to one side and somebody trying to sell you $40 designer sunglasses at the other.

The Cubs are calling it Champions Gate, and it honors all three of the World Series winning teams in the 150 year history of the club. Cubs failson co-owner Tom Ricketts says "there's plenty of room for more winning teams!" Cool. We all know they'll never need it.

It's just so underwhelming, isn't it? I mean, it's fine. It's not bad.

But here's a thing I don't get.