The Cubs clearly don't have enough

Unless the Cubs continue to circle the drain (3-12 in their last 15 games), we are going to be inundated with, "Are the Cubs going for it!?" nonsense between now and the August 3 trade deadline.

The obvious answer is, "Of course they should be going for it." The reality is that they haven't actually done that in nearly a decade.

But let's not worry about that. In this case, what would going for it actually look like?

A lot will depend on whether the Detroit Tigers can pull out of their own death spiral. If they can't, then impending free agent Tarik Skubal immediately becomes the biggest impact player on the in-season trade market in quite a few years.

Skubal is currently sidelined with an ailment that would also make for a really terrible strip club name, "Loose Bodies." But, as a client of Boras Corp., his agent just paid out a few million bucks of research and development and helped fund the development of the NanoScope, and 21st century Dr. James Andrews (Dr. Neal El Attrache) unloosened those bodies and Skuby Dubal is just about ready to return.

He's not the only big name who figures to be on the market, just the best one.

If the Cubs are still in need of a bat, how about a reunion with old pal Willson Contreras? The Cardinals are paying $4 million of his $17 million salary, and he has a $7.5 million buyout after the season. The Cubs won't want to pay any of that, and where would Willson play? He could DH, and the Cubs could go back to sitting Michael Busch against lefties. But it would steal at bats away from my beloved Moises Ballesteros, something the Cubs seem to love to do to him. Maybe just for old times' sake they could let Willson catch a game and he could field a bunt in front of home plate and throw one 140 MPH to first and pretend Busch is Anthony Rizzo? The fit probably isn't there, though maybe you could convince the Ricketts that the lockout might just kill the 2027 season and then they'd never have to pay Willson's buyout.

Another Red Sock who seems likely to be traded eventually is Jarren Duran. Craig Breslow's been trying to trade him since the day he got the job. Two years ago, Duran led the American League in doubles (48) and triples (14), and he hit 13 more triples last year. But he dropped off quite a bit from 2024 to 2025 overall, and he's been worse in 2026. He went from a 9.0 win player in 2024 to a five win player last year to probably a three win player this year. That's not an appealing trend. He's arbitration eligible after the season, and I have a hunch Jed will be sniffing around him whenever baseball resumes next year. I'm not sure that's a good idea.

If Skubal's cost is too high (and it likely will be for the Cubs), how about the Twins' Joe Ryan? His ERA is currently under three, and it's been 3.60 or better in four of the last five seasons. While his impact will be less than Skubal (who is probably the second best pitcher in the world) you get an extra year as he's signed for next season at just $13 million. He does have a $100,000 buyout, which would be dumb to exercise unless he blows out his arm after you trade for him. But all you have to do is ask Shelby Miller how much Jed likes paying guys to rehab from Tommy John Disease. Shelby's got two holes on that punch card.

The Cubs tend to shop at the irregular items rack even at the best of times, and so you wonder if Michael Wacha is more their speed. I don't know if I'm more surprised that he's actually having a good year (3.23 ERA) or that he's still pitching at all. Truth is, Wacha has been a very solid starter for five years in a row now, making at least 23 starts with an ERA under four every year. He's signed through 2028 at $14 million per, but that final year can be bought out for a million bucks.

I just feel like the Cubs already have at least three Michael Wacha types in their current rotation (Jameson Taillon, Matthew Boyd, Colin Rea) and I'm not terribly enamored with any of them.

But let's pretend for a moment that Jed really is bold at this deadline, and that these years of half-assed rebuilding were designed to actually pay off at some point. Would he fix the most glaring hole in his lineup by trading for a player that would put $81 million on the bench?

In that case, you trade for Nationals' shortstop CJ Abrams. He's only 25 and he appears to be realizing all of his vast potential. He's currently slugging .294/.391/.542 with 12 homers, 47 RBI and nine stolen bases.

If you traded for him, it would allow you to be able to dangle both Matt Shaw and Pedro Ramirez as part of packages for pitching, though you'd likely have to trade one of them for CJ.

Shaw would love going to DC. He could bunk in the Lincoln Bedroom, and if you made the trade early enough he could see C+C Music Factory rock the National Mall.

How would Dansby handle it? Who gives a shit? If you don't want to lose your job, don't slash .151/.233/.215 for an entire month.

The big drawback is that as good a hitter as Abrams is, he's a very shitty shortstop. How shitty? He's already -8 outs above average. It's the worst in either league. Yikes. Dansby's a plus five, and is in the 95th percentile.

But hey, the Cubs can work with that. Move Abrams to left field in 2027 (hell, do it now!) and just let him rake. By then, Dansby will have had time to perfect his latest ground breaking adjustment at the plate...trying to see the baseball! Honestly, if he's been batting without looking at the ball, I'm actually impressed by his overall numbers (.183/.293/.330).

The Cubs should see if they can get a CJ Abrams loophole like the Dodgers got with Shohei. Change the rule so you can DH for a position player and Dansby could play defense and CJ could play offense.

The Giants are really fucking bad this year, and despite that, they're going to have a lot of pieces to trade at the deadline.

Robbie Ray is a notch or two below Joe Ryan, but he deserves a better defense to pitch in front of (though it won't help him with the walks...he led the league last year with 73).

I don't think Buster Posey will really consider trading Logan Webb, but if he does, that would be a great move considering he's signed through 2028.

Harrison Bader is...bad. Don't do that. Stay away.

Somebody's going to trade for Luis Arraez, but it shouldn't be the Cubs.

Casey Schmitt has probably played himself out of trade consideration, since the move the Giants should make is to trade Arraez to open second base for him. But Casey's been very good, and he's a plus defender at third and second.

The Giants signed the kind of depth starters that the Cubs were after last offseason, but Tyler Mahle has been awful and is now hurt, and Adrian Houser has just been awful.

The Giants' new closer is Caleb Kilian, who is part of the Jeremiah Estrada Didn't We Used To Have That Guy? All-Stars.

I have a prediction that Ryan Walker is in the Cubs' bullpen next season. In the past his sinker has been unhittable for long stretches, but he hasn't been able to find it this year. If he's healthy-ish, he's exactly the kind of guy Jed shops for every offseason, with varying degrees of success.

And, there's the increasingly likely scenario that the Mets don't get close enough to delude themselves that they're in a Wild Card race and they shop Freddy Peralta. Freddy's a free agent after the season, and the Cubs already have his little brother Luis pitching out of the Iowa Cubs bullpen. Does that matter? No. Of course not. But it's the kind of thing Boog would love.

OK, so what do the Cubs have to trade to try to get some of this, anyway?

Well, they have Kevin Alcantara who their manager thinks so much of he basically refuses to play him. That's probably not helping Kev's value.

There's Shaw, who would be easier to trade if you weren't faced with the very real possibility that Dansby is cooked with three full years left on his contract.

There's Ramirez, who figures to be more likely the guy who replaces Shaw than the guy who is traded.

And then there's...well, there's, uh...the Cubs top pitching prospect Jaxon Wiggins who is hurt, and last year's first round pick Ethan Conrad who's still so hurt he's never played a single game in the Cubs system, and there's James Triantos who sucks, and Dominick Reid, a third round pick out of Abilene Christian (via Oklahoma State) who is at class A Myrtle Beach and who Jim Bowden just pulled out of his ass in his Skubal trade scenario for the Cubs yesterday. Sure, Jim. Whatever.

Jed's activity at the deadline will be dictated by two things. His own ambitions for this current team, and whether he can dupe other teams into thinking he has value to offer them.

I'm sure it'll be fine.