Cubs lose opener, keep their second baseman

The Cubs opened the 2026 season on Thursday full of optimism and with some big goals in mind and somehow found themselves down 7-2 in the fourth inning against a team aggressively trying to not win games this season. But honestly, it wasn't as much fun as that sounds.

Cubs' manager Craig Counsell appeared to have pulled his batting order out of a hat, assuming that hat was in his ass at the time. The guy he should have batting second batted first, the guy who should bat third batted second, the guy who should hit seventh batted third, the guy who should bat sixth batted fourth, the guy who should bat eighth batted fifth, the guy who should bat ninth batted sixth, the guy who should bat tenth batted eighth, the guy who should have been on the bench played right and batted ninth.

But really, the only egregiously out of position batters were Ian Happ batting third (do we have to try this shit every season?), and Petecrow who was batting fourth, but at least Pete is there for a reason, Seiya Suzuki is on his tri-annual post WBC injury sabbatical for a few more games.

At least we got to see Michael Conforto's Cubs debut, which went just as you'd expect.

It's one game of 162 and it matters very little. But I didn't like the omen of Ian Happ being robbed of his specialty, the solo homer in the ninth with the Cubs down six or more runs.

Boog said that Happ "crushed" it. And I know it was windy, but that fucking thing is 25 short of the warning track. If this is all Happer's got on opening day, they might as well take his career out behind the barn and take care of it.

Matthew Boyd gave up a homer to the worst hitter I've ever seen, Joey Wiemer, and then settled in. At one point he struck out five straight Nationals, which quite frankly seems like the bare minimum against this bunch. But then the fourth inning arrived and it was ugly.

Something named Andres Chapparo doubled, then whatever Brady House is singled him to third. Make a Wish kid Daylen Lile singled in Chapparo. Boyd walked Wiemer. Joey Wiemer has played baseball since he was seven. He's never walked before. He didn't even know where to go. He took his bat with him. CJ Abrams smoked a ball to right that he assumed was a three-run homer, but the wind knocked it down and he settled for a single, two RBI and getting thrown out at second (because he didn't run out of the box, for a while) by a sixteen hop throw by Matt Shaw. After a ground out by the great Nasim Nunez, Keibert Ruiz singled. That was all for Boyd. Counsell went with Ben Brown who we were told "looked great all spring." Jacob Young hit a great looking pitch into the basket in right field for a two run homer. Young was playing his 304th career game. That was his sixth homer.

The Cubs mounted a few fake rallies. One was killed when Nico eschewed challenging what would have been a ball four, and then hit into an inning ending double play. Gotta save those challenges for the ninth inning when you're down by a half dozen runs, I guess.

It was cold, it was windy, the Cubs played like shit, their cleanup hitter bunted in a run down five in the seventh. The Don Baylor days are back, baby!

After the game the Cubs actually gave out some good news. Nico has signed a six-year contract extension. We haven't seen the terms yet, but it's a bold move to sign a 30-year-old middle infielder to a six year contract. Teams just don't want to do it. I mean, just ask Jed about Dansby. You know what? Never mind that.

Hoerner has become a very good all around player. He's a great defender at second, something that is crucial these days, now that you can't shift your shortstop over to play second base for the second baseman. He steals bases. He gets lots of hits. He rarely mixes in walks or homers, but he's a fine, useful player and the thought of the Cubs letting him go and just handing second base to Shaw was never an appealing option. Now, Petecrow and Nico are going to be around for the next six years, and it seems like a good thing.

I'd like to see the Cubs break out the old extension pole (is that what they use for these things?) and give one to Seiya, and then stop. If it means hurting Ian Happ's feelings, well, you know what? Let me break the news to him. It'll be my honor.

The Recrap Podcast will be an irregular feature during the baseball regular season, but Opening Day seemed like a good day to break it out. And, as an added bonus, fresh from his four year exile doing god knows what, Sam Fels is back.

Podcast: Recrap - Cubs blown (out) in opener - March 26, 2026