Whether you want it or not, Cubs Convention is back

It was never that great, but it was a lot better than this thing is going to be

Whether you want it or not, Cubs Convention is back

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The Cubs sure know how to capitalize on momentum. We fans have been titillated and riveted by the flurry of player acquisitions by the franchise so far this offseason that it only made sense that the Cubs announced another stellar lineup for their annual fan boondoggle convention.

If you’re looking for a great, last minute Christmas present why not drop $125 on passes so your loved ones can meet all the new Cubs in person, like manager Craig Counsell and…?

No, that’s pretty much it.

I mean if you really wanted to give a great gift, you can give someone you actually like a subscription to this newsletter for 30% off.

The Cubs Convention was the first of its kind. The brainchild of John McDonough 37 years ago, and it hasn’t been any good for at least a decade.

Presumably, by January 12 the Cubs will have signed a big league free agent or two (dare to dream) or made a trade. But just in case they haven’t, there’s all kinds of fun stuff you can do regardless.

Friday, January 12
Blue Carpet Arrivals - Ahh yes, nothing says fun like watching a former Cubs star like Josh Phegley shamble out of a cab with a week’s worth of laundry in a garbage bag hoping that he can convince somebody at the Sheraton to wash it for him. When kids run up to him for an autograph and he realizes that they don’t know who he is he’ll just say, “I was the catcher in the Covid season who couldn’t squat.”

Opening Ceremony - Always a highlight. It’s just Hall of Famer Pat Hughes calling roll as old guys in need of hip replacements shuffle out onto the stage. And that’s just the guys Jed will sign to play first base.

“Surprise Player Autographs” - I put that in quotes because it’s how it was written in the promos the Cubs sent out. Makes it look more like the players will be of the “surprise, I’ll bet you didn’t know this terrible player was a Cub now” variety. It would be even better though if it was a surprise to the player. Like, his agent told him he was getting paid for an appearance in Chicago, and then he gets there and is told he’s playing for the Cubs in 2024. For the league minimum.

Chicago Cubs Utility Tunnel of Fame Class of 2024 announcement - Oh, things don’t get much more prestigious than being selected to have a vinyl plaque attached with Command Hooks to a Wrigley Field service tunnel. And on this chilly day in January we will find out who is next to be mortalized1 with this tepid honor. Considering Tom Ricketts said they are going chronologically, and Mark Grace and Shawon Dunston made it last year, this year should be Kerry Wood and Sammy Sosa.