Cubs Convention got off to a slow start, then got drunk
Literally drunk. It was great.
The Cubs Convention is a surreal experience. The first fan fest of its kind, it's managed to lose most of its charm over the years, but there are a few things that happen every year that remind you that even at its most corporate, it still has some fun left in it.
Over the years they've tried a number of different ways to get Tom Ricketts introduced without being mercilessly booed.
This year they used a sneak attack by having him go earlier than normal, right before the national anthem.
Tom called 2025 a "pretty darn good season," which honestly is a more clear eyed assessment than Jed insisting on Thursday that the Cubs were real contenders.
Andy Dolan
Tom said, "Next year, we're going to a new level." It'd be nice if he meant a new luxury tax level, but we'll take what we can get.
Tom did some math for us and pointed out that 2026 is the 150th year of the Cubs, who were founded in 1876 as the White Stockings. He said that's "150 years of being the best team in baseball." I'm pretty sure that's not a thing that's true.
Tom also announced they will be doing "something at Gallagher Way" to honor the 2016 Cubs. Are they going to reopen Joe's Maddon Post restaurant? Probably not.
Then he gets to the real reason he's on the stage. Well, other than that his dad bought him a team to fuck up as a sibling project.
He's here to introduce the new class of Utility Tunnel of Famers.
It's Vince Lloyd (way, way overdue), Jody Davis (way overdue) and Jon Lester (perfect.)
Andy Dolan
Then it was time for a Cubs Convention tradition. Wayne Messmer came out to sing the national anthem, apparently wearing one of Ron Santo's old toupees. Great moment. Not a dry eye in the house.
Then, a real break in tradition. Oh, sure Cole Wright came out to babble his way through the player introductions, but they did them in a hurry. They did them in waves for the first few groups. The guys walked out and Cole just rattled off their names.
It was fine for the announcers, as they brought out a bunch of Score and Marquee announcers like Elise and Taylor and Boog and JD, and Ron Coomer, but it was led by Alex Cohen?
Cohen was waving at fans like anybody gives a shit who he is. In fact, a few fans right at the foot of the stage stopped him to remind him that the extra towels they requested to be sent up their room hadn't arrived yet.
Next up, Cole said, "Cubs prospects! Who's ready for them?"
Uh...nobody.
Then they went to non-Hall of Fame (real and Utility) former players, and they did the same with them. I mean, that's fine for guys like Ryan Dempster and Ray Burris, but let's give Carlos Zambrano a little love, eh?
But then it was the moment the pajama wearing horde was waiting for. It was time to luxuriate in the introductions of the ever-growing number of 2016 Cubs who had come back for the anniversary.
And...they just ran them all out at once. What the fuck? You're obviously never going to have another of these teams, take your fucking time.
There were some cool moments. It was great to see Joe Maddon back at a Cubs Convention. David Ross showed up after all, though he was in disguise now that he has hair on his head again. Travis Wood came out, stopped in the middle of the stage, took off the Cubs jersey they had given him, then took off another shirt, revealing that he was wearing the same sleeveless camo button up (and it was unbuttoned) that he famously wore to the World Series parade.
And, Anthony Rizzo came out holding the trophy over his head. It was cool, and I know they're doing a session on Saturday, but this was very, very lacking. As it turns out, something much more fun was still coming.
The team had a private dinner on Thursday night and all of these guys were there, plus Kyle Schwarber came too. Kyle was obviously not there on Friday night at the convention, but how great would it have been if he showed up for the convention sessions in his Phillies jersey and just talked shit the whole time. "Hey Jed, remember when you DFA'd me?" Or, hey, remember when we played in the World Series against the Astros? Oh, wait, no, that was just me, for the Phillies."
At least Alex Bregman could give him some shit for that.
I am 99.9% sure that the reason they didn't take the time to introduce the 2016 Cubs individually is because they were worried just how rough the reception was going to be for Addison Russell. I mean, you'd think it would be bad, and he certainly has earned it, but I've been to the convention and it's 97 percent obsequious sycophants. They should have just not invited him. They shunned Sammy for 20 years for reasons that pale in comparison.
They did introduce the current players individually, which seems like the least they could have done. I think they did it so fans could get a good long look at Tyler Austin and his four dollar haircut.
Matt Boyd came out, waved to the crowd, blew out his elbow and was immediately put on the 365-day IL.
A big moment was when Bregman was introduced. But it also stopped the ceremony for 20 minutes because he saw a kid in the crowd holding a baseball incorrectly and stopped to give him a little personal instruction.
Cole Wright called Michael Busch "the Mountain Man?"
That reference is 40 years old, Cole.
(And yes, I remembered all the words, but never mind that.)
It was cool to see Edward Cabrera. And he's huge. When he stood next to Petecrow, Pete looked Nick Madrigal-esque.
But Edward probably walked out, looked at the fans, then turned and looked at his teammates and immediately felt very, very alone.
Petecrow took his time out from roaming the sidelines of Bears games to check out the convention.
And then, Nico was introduced. The fans cheered, this teammates cheered and then Jed ran onto the stage and announced that Nico had been traded to Giants Fest. Kind of a bummer.
The best introduction of the night was Cole yelling, "You know him! It's Gavin Hollowell!"
No. No we don't. Nobody does.
Cole introduced Cade Horton by saying Cade, "got jobbed out of Rookie of the Year." I mean, he's not wrong, but I expected the guys on the stage to all go...
Luke Little came out in a bow tie. But he might have just been coming from his real job waiting tables in the ballroom next door.
Hoby Milner's walk out music was Rush's "Limelight" and somewhere Bruce Miles said, "You know, I always liked Hoby Milner."
Cole reminded us that Colin Rea is from Cascade, Iowa. Which was probably a signal to the guy who owns that bar that the Colin Rea portion of the convention broadcast was over and he could turn the bar TV back to the cattle judging show that the patrons had been clamoring for.
If you missed it. Here it is Cascade, Iowa's number one rated show.
Guys like Brian Rolison and Ethan Roberts should not be allowed to hold things up by low fiving the kids at the edge of the stage. Even the kids don't care.
Bold move by Matt Shaw to eschew traditional walkup music for his introduction and instead request a playlist of Charlie Kirk bigoted rants.
I was very worried that Justin Steele was wearing a neck brace. Thankfully it turned out to just be a ridiculous turtle neck. But with Steele, you never know.
I had never seen Caleb Thielbar without a hat before. Now, I can see why.
I wonder how much longer before Jordan Wicks' convention intro includes the words, "Failed first rounder...?"
Then it was time for the Utility Tunnel of Famers. They introduced Derrek Lee and E-Ramis Ramirez back to back, as it always should be.
When Cole introduced Rick Sutcliffe, he said, "If you run into him, ask him to tell you a story!" Sure, if you want to hear about his grandson's little league team for five straight hours.
It was time for the real Hall of Famers, and Cole started with Ryne Sandberg.
"We know you're up there watching, Ryno!" I hope he's got a lot better things to do in heaven than watch this shit.
Cole introduced Lee Smith with, "He has the biggest hands you ever want to see." I can tell you who I wouldn't not want to see with big hands. A proctologist.
It was a nice moment when Andre Dawson came out. They had a little shrine to Sandberg on the stage, including one of the second base bags that had 23 on it, and Hawk gave it a tap.
The Cubs always save the coolest for last, Billy Williams came out with a baseball bat cane, stopped and gave it a swing. He's 87 years old and still has a smoother stroke than Ian Happ.
Then, finally the end things with the highlight reel of the 2025 season. Cole says it's a "sizzle reel." But right away they include a quick interview with Carter Hawkins. If Carter is on your reel, there is no sizzle on that thing.
The video features a bunch of Petecrow homers (at least the first half) and over one of them we get this great Alex Cohen call. "P-C-A stands for Pete Can Hit Everything and Anything!" Uh...wouldn't that be PCHEA?
The video gets somber in the middle with mention of Ryne's death. But it mostly serves as a reminder that the blue jersey tribute to Ryno where the players all wore 23 was completely botched by the Cubs. They made it sound like they were going to wear cool reproductions of the 1984-era blue jerseys, and instead they just broke out those shitty current alternates and took the names off.
It's still amazing to me that Moises Ballesteros hit his first career homer to Anthony Rizzo in the left field bleachers.
The video ends with really fun highlights of home playoff games, too bad all the road games were shit.
My only real complaint with that video is that they left out Moises Ballesteros trying to break up Hunter Greene's no-hitter by letting a Petecrow line drive hit him in the head.
The fake Dempster talk show was as awkward as usual, with the regular terrible monologue, and the awkward Jed interview where Carter somehow feels emboldened to actually talk. But things got good when a drunk Jon Lester showed up for the second to last segment, dropping f-bombs and warning Marquee that they were going to need a delay. Then, they brought out Travis Wood, Anthony Rizzo, Dexter Fowler, David Ross, John Lackey and Jason Heyward to join him.
I didn't expect Heyward to be the potty mouth, but he went on a very fun profane rant about why he signed with the Cubs. He talked about how the Cardinals had a series where they won two of three (he's wrong, it was the September series where the Cubs won two of three, Jason could read all about it in The Immortals) at Wrigley and on the bus to the airport the Cardinals players couldn't understand why the fans were so happy. Jason said, "They know they're going to win. And then in the playoffs I was here for six homers, and I'm just going to say it, fuck it, Schwarbs was hitting shit over my head, and he hit one on the scoreboard that they put in a box."
And Lester told the story about warming up in the bullpen for game seven. "I told Woody (Travis Wood) that if I started throwing too much to stand in front of me. And that stupid fucker actually did it."
The very entertaining, drunken segment ended with a nice moment. Anthony Rizzo explaining why the 2016 Cubs were and still are so close. "It's because Mr. Ricketts paid Jon a billion dollars and he paid for every team dinner, and team outing and showed us all how to win."
That would be the most memorable part of it, except I can't believe how much hair Ross has. Why was that dumbass shaving it off all those years?
