As the losing mounts, the Cubs honor themselves
And, even MLB wants the Cubs to just screw off and go to Iowa
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Cubs' TV gets praise that it doesn't deserve
I'm kind of surprised anybody likes that crap
Podcast: Better put Nico in bubblewrap
Unless you want a hearty dose of whatever Owen Miller is
The Cubs want to sell you their surveillance photos
And all the big celebrities do events in Three Oaks Michigan
Hey Busch, this ain't gonna cut it
Few Cubs first basemen have slugged this poorly in a half century